Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
