If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
