so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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