Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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