did you get engaged???
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
