im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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