Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
