you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
