Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
