I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
