I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
