It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
