capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
