She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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