so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
