nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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