My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
