at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
