I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
