Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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