New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
