It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
