Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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