I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
3pm strippers are depressing
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
