I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
