What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
