Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
