She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The power of my boobs compel you
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
