We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
