I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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