I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
