CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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