I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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