God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
