That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
