Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
