this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Im part way to drunk.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
