you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
