Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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