Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
