anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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