I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
