ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
