drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
