this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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