normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
