Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
