I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
