I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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