Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
