My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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