so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
