I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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