Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
