Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
