I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We just shotgunned beers for America
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
