Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
