There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Drake has all the answers
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
