It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
