I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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